MY TRIBUTE TO MY WONDERFUL SON, JULIEN THOMASSET

by Michelle Marques, 5 March 2016 (for french version, click here

I feel honoured to be here with you today, the 5th March 2016, even if I have a strange feeling.  I am happy to be here with you all, I feel your love, kindness, and support and at the same time I am so sad, I was not supposed to be here to celebrate the death of my young son, Jules.  I am sure you can understand… how difficult it can be!

First of all I would like to thank everyone, one by one, thank you for your presence.  A special thanks to Dila and her team who organized this event so perfectly in respect of the wishes of my family and myself and Jules of course.

THANK YOU to those who came to France as often as possible to manifest their love for HIM.  THANK YOU for the ballad to the sea in the Junior car at the very beginning, THANK YOU for playing the guitar and singing with him, talking with HIM as he liked, for the shopping and the good food, for the laughs, lots of laughs and unfortunately for the tears we shared with HIM sometimes, for your accompaniment to the hospital, for the garden of Chaton, the parsley you planted, the trees you cut etc. etc. with so much kindness, love and Hope. “Pour les petits dejeuners au soleil, Camembert, baguette, cafe et the…”FOR THE MEDITATIONS. THANK YOU for the strength and the support you brought to HIM and to me.

In London, THANK YOU to those who came to HIM, hearts full of love and tenderness.  Back in France he said to me “ Mum, it is not the perfect situation for me to be in London, at the moment, I know, but for me London is a place where I receive so much love and I need it.”
In London, Jules was at Home…

So for all these wonderful times you offered to HIM, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

BRIAN & JANE came from the south of France, his headmaster and his Art teacher, 8 years together in Mougins School to build this man with so much love like a second father and a second mother.  Thank you to be here today for his tribute.  I love you two.

There are 3 men I would like to thank particularly, even though I don’t forget any one of you, your generosity, your commitment and your beauty.

The first man who took care of him is Vinny who helped him organizing his social security, when the illness showed the tip of its nose.  He took him to the hospital and stayed near him all the time and came to him from the beginning to the end to bring his support and love.  THANK YOU VINNY

The other man is RUPERT, an old friend of HIM, I was waiting for him in Cannes in the middle of the hurly-burly of this city and we were supposed to have a dinner for his birthday “40 years old”. But Jules called me; completely destroyed by the bad diagnosis “Lymphoma T4 aggressive” this delicious doctor announced that by phone, BRAVO!!!  We were completely down, Rupert, upset, joined me and we went for a drink and I went back home quickly to talk to Jules on Skype. He was devastated!!
Later, Jules is back in France and it’s so difficult to deal with everything, his morale is low, very low and I call Rupert for help: he comes immediately and he does it so very often.  THANK YOU RUPERT

The other man is DAN; Jules wants to go to Hungary for the Gerson cure in January with Dan.  Every day the life conditions of Jules are more and more difficult. In the middle of December, He needs my total presence day and night. After 3 days I realized I will not be able to do it alone, so I call my daughter Claire who comes immediately and Dan who comes from the countryside of Berlin, I don’t know how! The day after.  We are able to share it together and we did so with others who joined us quickly (family and friends).
Dan also takes the responsibility of a page on Facebook and we receive lot of support spiritually, emotionally and financially. “ A manifestation of what Jules creates around him”.
During this long time, so difficult and beautiful at the same time, Dan you bring me strength and support as a brother, so THANK YOU DAN.

Sometimes and particularly at this moment it is difficult to put all the words I have in my heart to express my complete feelings for every one of you, sorry about that!  But I remember everyone and every gesture.

 

Now, I would like to talk about these last years, even if it was not my intention at the beginning, because it’s heart-breaking, un Crevecoeur, I have to do it.

The 14 November 2013, just before the bad news came out, waiting for Rupert, I bought a Moleskin book for Jules, our favourite sketchbook.  This book will be his soul mate on this long journey.  It begins like that, “L’aventure commence”, Drawing, writing, treatment information …
Day one, day 2, day 3 the chemotherapy begins, he draws, listens to music, smiling with the nurses always very cute and polite, full of compassion for his bedroom neighbours, angry sometimes for the inhumanity of some caregivers.  He meditates, calls his angels.
And later Jules goes to the sea and draws again, eager for beauty, light, love, hope.
Alone, he writes music and poems, he thinks about you in London, heart broken…
And the chemotherapy continues in Antibes at this time.  And your messages arrive for his joy…

When he feels better, we decide to go to see Claire in Orange; we stop on the motorway, an ordinary parking.  There are trees not far away and hundreds of white butterflies flying, it’s amazing! One, only one flies to him and touches him.  Why? What does this mean??? Good or bad news? It was my inner question, at this moment.

After all this poison in his body, his blood is completely destroyed and he needs an injection of Granocytes.  He does the best he can to take care of his body, walks to the sea, eats good food [fruits, vegetables] and supplements and homeopathy and meditations and he draws non-stop “in the whole seeing fabric of the universe” his own words.
And the work continues, we see other doctors [homeopaths, osteopaths] and healers and psychologists to help.

He waits for your visits intensively; it’s like a breath of fresh air in the middle of this mess.

GOOD COMPANY – Ever so grateful to have had such a collection of incredible souls to spend time with, sometimes travelling afar spending quality time away from the illness, keeping the mind happy and playful allowing it to expand rather than dwell…

But one other trial awaits him, the Autogreffe, a new strong chemo and the injection of his own stem cells into the blood, more than 3 weeks in a sterile room with a tube of 7 meters, a sort of prison… Imagine! Loneliness, inappropriate food and at the end lots of pain, this is the deal.  Personally I am not convinced of the efficiency of this treatment.  But I respect his choice and follow him.  The doctors are surprised by his work, a wonderful triptych, and by his kindness as always.

The Petscan is perfect, Julien is cured and we can celebrate, full of joy we have won!!! Wouahoo!!! Very quickly he runs to London to celebrate with his lovely friends, full of love and hope.

The 14th August, 2014 he writes this page for you in his book in French:

“Full of joy and expectation, I thank again the Life which gives to me the chance to see again in good health my London family.
What an unconditional happiness, what a divine delight and cosmic ecstasy.  My heart is so excited thinking about all this love unfolding inside me, all these relations building and strengthening.
To be able to share this happiness, to live after such a hard time. Thanks, thanks!
I can’t forget this incredible support, this deep and true love.  Thanks to my brothers and sisters in this life and many others.  I hold you in my heart, in my soul forever…  love, love, love from the ferry@sea!!!”

Unfortunately, Jules has won a battle but not the war, because the GENIUS OF THE ILLNESS as it’s called in medical jargon comes back quickly ruthless, strong, like an octopus growing in his body.  The Petscan is worse than ever.  The BEAST is back…
It means stronger chemotherapy, more injections, more transfusions, more sickness and we go to Monaco so often.  When Dr Garnier suggests an Allogreffe after he has said that the autogreffe was done for nothing…
Julien says NO, not again, and Dr Garnier respects his choice.  What can he do?

[The allogreffe uses the stem cells of one of his sisters – of course they are ready to do it and it entails 7 weeks minimum in a sterile room and after that it is not finished for months]

For the second time the Petscan is good.  Anyway there are not a lot of medical solutions or maybe severe therapy, later. Now we know the BEAST AND ALL ITS HORRIBLE QUALITIES is here, crouched in a corner, we know that Him and me, but without a word, just respect between us, LOVE &
HOPE. We go into battle again.

As you know
Jules decides to go to John of God in Brazil, for one month, for a miracle, why not? Then He goes to the Tczech Republic to perform with friends [good memories], then to Paris and finally to London.  Unfortunately he breaks a bone and he comes back to Antibes.
And then the very hard part of the story begins.  But he is a warrior!!! He fights.  He refuses any painkillers to consolidate his bone.  All his energy is focused on the pain, until I react and ask him to take some medicine to control the pain.

But the blood is not good and we have to make a transfusion.  He cries that he doesn’t want to go to the hospital, I reassure him it’s the last time!  I promise and so it is.  He is not strong enough to stand up.  We go to the Pyrenees to see his friend GUILLAUME and their family, particularly his goddaughter, a sweet moment…globally.

Back in Antibes a Petscan is programmed, at this moment he is unable to walk or to stand up and the result is bad, bad, bad.  There are metastases everywhere – in the brain [2], in the spine, in the lung, in the bones.  Dr Garnier says there is nothing to do, except algotherapy…
I talk with Claire and Dan about the situation, I have to talk to him and tell him the truth as always.

I have lived difficult moments in my life but this will be forever the most terrible event of my life. 

The day before, to distract him, we talk about our journey that we dream of, the Baleares, Turkey, sun and sea, etc.
We are alone, now I have to talk about a very long journey, the last journey.  His eyes are closed, he listens to me, I try to find the best words, his heart beats very quickly, finally he opens his eyes to say “Mum tu es en train de me dire que je vais mourir”, (Mum, are you telling me that I’m dying?) end of the story, even if it’s not the end.

I think you have enough information on the last steps of the story, because of the page on Facebook ‘We Love Jules”.
The only thing, I have to add is my engagement to Him, my respect for this wonderful man and I have done it until the end.

You are maybe wondering why does Michelle talk for so long about this difficult time of Jules’s story, because Jules asks me to do it; it’s a gift for you.
I am not enthusiastic about evoking this part of our life, in so many details, I have to come out of my reserve, but he wants it to conclude like that.

“Our generation is the one that can change this world, some of us and we are in it and we can do it because we are artists, musicians, drawers, painters, directors, etc. etc. We are the builders of new thoughts in this world and as artists we are powerful.

But as you know CHANGE is the most difficult issue for human beings, but we are built to do it.  So follow your light, your unique talents, your inner gifts, stay strong and focused and it will happen.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR LIFE, OF YOURSELF, OF YOUR CHILDREN, OF EVERYTHING essential AROUND YOU.
Because it’s so difficult never FORGET THE ANGEL NEAR YOUR LEFT SHOULDER, YOUR FRIEND WHO WILL BE ABLE TO SUPPORT YOU, TO LOVE YOU WITH STRENGTH AND COMPASSION.  “JUST CALL ME IF YOU NEED, I will be here!!!” says Jules.

 

This is only 2 or 3 years in the life of Jules, a terrible moment but a time of accomplishment on many planes.

Who is he? What we must keep in mind is the essential, his fingerprint in this life, his soul and his core.

First of all, with simplicity he goes towards all others without fear. They can be rich or poor, old or young, male or female, beautiful or ugly, no problem for him.  He opens his arms and his heart all the time.  He knows how to welcome others.
His astrological chart is amazing, the maximum of the planets are in the house 7, the house of the others.
I remember a time, Jules is 2, 3, 4 years old, in May we have a holiday alone together on the Mediterranean sea, 10 days.  The weather is often good, so we go to the beach.  Jules goes to the right, to the left and talks with all the people around him without distinction. There was just a difficult moment when he talks with German or Italian children, “Maman, they don’t understand me,” he is crazy about that!
Quickly people around look at me with a big smile, some want to talk and I just want to be quiet.
Finally, I propose “ Titou we’ll go to another beach, what do you think? -Yes, yes,” We take the car, find a new place and 30 minutes later the situation is exactly the same.  Sometimes we go to 4 different places!!! But he is so cute, so happy, so full of energy and love, what you can say?  Just laugh, follow and move!

It’s his sovereignty “ALLER A LA RENCONTRE” a beautiful quality of a noble man.

Move, a second quality of Jules, he has an urgent need to create, to move, everyone knows that.  He has a way to find beauty, harmony, even in this world.  It’s in him, look at him moving… Look at his approach so large and so precise to ART.
And by this way he goes again to others.
He is so young, when Jane Hart discovers his talent, “The Indian”.  Jane guides him with love and so many qualities, a special teacher for a special man.  Thank you Jane.

But Jules is so indulgent, receptive, welcoming, compassionate that he can find himself without self-defence, completely overwhelmed.  He can be conscious of this situation and reacts and works on himself to balance yin and yang.  As you know he is clever and sees perfectly in the others all the aspects with forgiveness.  What is the best solution for him at this moment?
He needs to retreat. He goes into his cave.  He needs to stop his dispersal, he needs to be alone, and he needs to work on his inner being in silence. Positively it’s a phase of maturity for an artwork, a drawing, a painting, writing, and a project; finally it’s a time of intense creativity.
“ Mum there is some works I have done perfectly, these paintings are the best”

The end of his life allows his accomplishment, in all his light.  He knows how to welcome others, how to go to his mountain, how to create, how to nourish his core, his soul.
Of course it’s the most difficult step of a conscious man; there are fears, pains, it’s difficult to let go for a 37 years old man, who ‘QUIERO VIVIR”, who never sees artistic recognition in this life, something important for him, and today a goal for me.

DANS SON DERNIER SOUPIR, IL A REALISE L’UNITE EN SOI

 

Before the end of my tribute to Jules my last prayer the 14th January 2016

HOPI INDIANS  PRAYER

“To those I love … and those who love me”

When I am gone, release me, let me go,
I have so much to do and see.
Weep not thinking of me
Be thankful for the good years,
I gave you my love, you can only guess
The happiness you have given me.

Thank you for the love that everyone showed me,
Now it’s time to travel alone.

For a short time you can have it.
Confidence will bring you comfort and consolation.
We will be separated for some time.

Let the memories soothe your pain
I’m not far away and life goes on …
If you need, call me and I will come,
Even if you can not see or touch me, I’ll be there,
And if you listen to your heart, you will experience clearly
The sweetness of the love I bring.
And when it’s time for you to leave,
I will be there to welcome you.

Absent from my body, present with God
Do not go to my grave and cry,
I’m not there, I do not sleep,
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond sparkling snow,
I am the light of the sun in a drop of dew,
I am the gentle autumn rain,
I ancestry who raises birds flying in wide circles,
I am the shining star in the night,
Do not stand there crying,
look out
I’m not dead.

 

THE RECOGNITION OF JULES

I’ve come to the end, as you can imagine I will never be able to forget the 38 years I shared with this wonderful man, this son, the life entrusted to me.  I will remember so many memories, images, sounds, songs, writings, paintings, his beautiful smile, his sweetness etc.  I feel very honoured to be Julien’s mother; I thank him for coming into our life.
I hope now to live long enough to work on the recognition of this ARTIST.
I need the love of my 2 daughters Claire and Chantal, of my grandson Loulou his inheritor and Amaelle to be able to do it.  I will be relying on all of you, we have to be together.  Because the recognition of Jules needs a communal work, he likes to share.  Maybe together we can put some light in this world, a reflection of the light he is in now.  In this way he will realise a total accomplishment in this life and be filled with peace and joy in his sky.

A LAST THING

Around 3 days after Jules passed away, I saw him in white clothes surrounded by light, a big smile on his lips and I feel he is so happy.  One second later I see a big mushroom, enormous, made of vibrations and lot of little lights, sort of Prana, I have seen in Quebec.
Under the mushroom, secure, there were a lot of children and I know some of them, young children of his family and friends.  Jules sends to them protection, love, happiness and strength.
I am completely upset and happy too.
At this moment I think about “ La belle Verte” a movie we love in the family.  “Un clin d’oeil” =” A Wink”
Like him I hope the best for your children from the bottom of my heart, I am just a bit sad because I will never hold the child of my son in my arms.

In fact I have not finished, I have to introduced my little one, my granson LOULOU, LOUIS, POCKYPOCKET, the nephew of Jules, the son of Claire and Christian present to day, Louis is the inheritor of my son. Jules is more for him; he is his big brother because they grow up together in the same house, maybe his mentor.
Loulou knows perfectly all the works of Jules and helps me to put everything in order, the paper books, the paintings and the computers…
Louis is full of qualities and an artist like Jules. They have a lot of complicities, strong personalities and so much love.
Thank you “mon Loulou” for your presence so often nears me when you live in Paris.
Thank you for all you has done for this tribute and for the book coming. I love you so much for your sweetness, your presence, my little one even if you are a big man like Jules.

My long speech was supposed to be finished but my Angel is here!!!
The 28/2 /2016 as all the Sunday following his death I wait for 15h40 PM with him.
Today the weather is bad but all the lights sparkle. In the blue room, I am listening the music of Yann Tiersen and I am with him.
Suddenly full of light I see him dancing with my sister Puce they are so beautiful! She is a beautiful woman and a wonderful dancer and a pianist.
He comes to me full of light and says “ Mum closed your eyes and dance with me, please” “ I don’t know how to dance “  “ Mum closed your eyes and dance with me, please, your sister, your father and lot of people around like the party in this family. I feel his body, his love, his energy, his joy “ Mum please closed your eyes and dance with me, I am so happy” ”Jules please I have never do that, I am not a good dancer and the feast is not my story…” Mum closed your eyes and dance with me, please”
“ I love you, I thank you and I miss you too. Mum closed your eyes and dance with me, please” and the 5th of March says that to my friends “ -NO”
Mum closed your eyes and dance with me, please ”Because the 5th I will dance with everyone and you are my messenger. Mum closed your eyes and dance with me, please” and finally I dance with him like you in a moment sur la valse d’Amelie de Yann Tiersen, a magic moment, in and out of this world, everyone with this special dancer can do it, just closed your eyes to feel him, it works. . Just closed your eyes and dance with me, my friends, please”, and a special kiss to Amelie a little girl I love so much.